Tough Month

Scott has worked really hard not to let these dates, May 10 and May 22, get him down this year but, it is impossible to do completely. We went to Ravyn's grave yesterday evening since the 22nd is her birthday. We placed a live plant at her headstone and then, I held my man while he cried.

You would think that May would be a month that 2 teachers would look forward to every year. Especially since it always represents the end of the school year and the coming of summer in all it's colors and glory. We used to but, since Ravyn died 2 years ago in May, this month has become a very tough month for us. And, this year it has been even tougher. The anniversary date of her death fell during Mother's Day weekend and her birthday fell in Memorial Day weekend.

Her death is a tragedy. She had wanted a baby so bad and had to fight the doctors to have one because she had cysts so bad that they had become life threatening. She was lucky and had a baby boy within the year the doctors told her she had to get pregnant and then, 2 years laters, she left that beautiful boy. It is so sad that she is not here to watch the love and joy of her life grow up. He looks and acts so much like she did when she was a child.

Knowing how much she wanted this child and how eager she was to watch him grow up, I have a hard time believing that "she is in a better place". I hate going to funerals and hearing people say that. I feel this way because some people love life so much and no matter how much faith they have, they do not want die to find out if there is a "better place".

Ravyn is missing her son grow up and what is worse, he will not remember much about his mother. Pictures and people can only do so much with those memories and then his memories of his mother become the memories of others and are no longer personal to him.

I will do what I can for my husband every year at this time. I love him and I know it broke his heart when she died. Being here for him is all I can do but, it is better than him having to suffer alone. That is all I can do.